The Deadpool Complex
by timeirl
Summary: Naruto was dyeing. But seeing the potential for many experiments Orochimaru saved Naruto and turned him into his own personal guinea pig, code named weapon X. Infusing the Kyuubi's chakra with a super steroid, Naruto was driven insane developing multiple personality's and a incredible healing factor. Then somebody decided it was a good idea to make Naruto a Shinobi. Kami help them.
1. Prologue

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto. Duh. I wouldn't be writing Fanfiction if I did.**

***Has been slightly ****edited***

Naruto was dyeing, and he knew it. Even in his five year old mind he knew that if you where drowning in your own pool of blood, then, well, you where screwed. Pain shot through his body. His blurry vision only seeing bits and pieces of the world around him. Like his severed right arm that was lying a foot away from him. His wrists where slit open in multiple spots and blood was spraying from them as well. Blood so much blood. EVERYWHERE. Naruto had stopped crying around the same time he had stopped breathing, his ribs having impaled his lungs in several places. But the worst part was that this was supposed to have been his happy day. The Hokage had given Naruto his own house. He had played with the Uchiha boy and was not slapped by his mother. He had even gotten a present from Teuchi and Ayame, the owners of Ichiraku ramen. His own personal ramen cup. And now he was dyeing. On his birthday. Naruto's mind had long since abandoned ship. But apparently as it was swimming away something snapped. Red energy began to cackle around Naruto's small frame and the remains of his body super heated. His mind caved in on itself and released all the pain inside. Tails of chakra rushed out of his body and lashed out at his surroundings, crushing buildings and killing small animals. Needless to say he drew a lot of attention to anyone with the ability to sense even a little bit of chakra. Not all of them where friendly.

A certain snake like man was walking in the area looking for people that no one would miss for his experiments. He struck gold. Naruto was the perfect candidate for his experiments. No one of any importance would even notice his disappearance, except maybe the Sandaime Hokage. The council wouldn't let look for Naruto though. The only problem was the amount of Kyuubi chakra that was radiating off Naruto subconsciously. Orochimaru carefully approached the near death form of Naruto, narrowly evading his violent chakra tails. He slowly knelt down beside Naruto pulling a vial of colorless liquid from the white lab coat that adorned his body. In one fluid movement he jammed it into Naruto's jugular. Instantaneously enough pain killer to kill a rhino flooded into Naruto's bloodstream. Slowly, very slowly, Naruto's chakra tails drooped and dissipated. His chakra cloak dropped, and Orochimaru carefully picked him up not wanting to wake him.

Orochimaru knew he had to hurry, that much of the Kyuubi's chakra leaking out at once would draw the whole population of Konoha to their location. Quickly he made a few hand seals sending a signal through his signature curse seal. Almost Instantly a young chunin level kunoichi jumped down from one of the buildings. "Anko," Orochimaru nodded handing her the bloody five year old, "take him back to the lab." Anko nodded,

"Yes sir, Orochimaru sensei sir." She stated mockingly. His eyes narrowed,

"Not the time Anko." She just smirked and started to leave with the boy.

"Oh and be sure not to forget his arm." Anko paled looking down at the mangled dismembered arm by her feet.

_"Poor kid, who would do this," _She thought as she picked up his arm, _"Seriously who cuts off a five year old's arm that's just... sick. Hopefully Sensei can patch him up." _ With a swirl of leaves she shunsined out just as more shinobi appeared on the scene, one of the being the Hokage.

"What happened here." Sarutobi said in anger.

"I haven't the faintest idea of what your talking about." Orochimaru spoke calmly with his trade mark creepy smile.

"You know EXACTLY what I'm talking about." The old man growled. "Where is Naruto?"

"Presumably dead." Orochimaru said coldly. "He was obviously attack by some of _your_ shinobi judging by the amount of blood and the fact the the Kyuubi's chakra was emitting from this area." By this point the Hogake was getting fairly angry. Under normal cicumstances he would have not even questioned his prized student. But this was a matter of Konoha's Jinchuriki 'a symbol of their power' so to speak. "Or maybe," Orochimaru drawled on seemingly oblivious to the Hokage's anger at his attitude, "It was Root. You know how desperately Danzo wanted to turn him into a weapon and when he wasn't given the option." Orochimaru drew his thumb across his neck and made a squelching sound.

"Orochimaru did you attack Naruto." Sarutobi nearly yelled angrily.

"Sensei, I thought you had more faith in me," Orochimaru mocked, "I have no use for him." Sarutobi sighed and relaxed.

"Alright Orochimaru I'm going to believe you, you haven't lied to me before why would start now." He turned to the Anbu occupying him, "Lets head home men." With that they turned and left.

Once they where gone Orochimaru began to chuckle darkly. "I've never lied to you Sarutobi sensei? Oh you have no idea. Naruto is going to be something quite special when I'm done with him."

**AN:****This is just the prologue I plan on making the rest of the chapters much longer. Reviews are ****appreciated. timeirl out.**


	2. The Deadpool Complex: Chapter One

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto. Duh. I wouldn't be writing Fanfiction if I did.**

"Test 142, commence." Orochimaru said calmly. Immediately seven shinobi emerged from the shadows and surrounded a now six year old Naruto, who was standing calmly in the center of Orochimaru's makeshift lab/training grounds. Naruto didn't speak, didn't move and made no attempt to defend himself. As soon as they could the shinobi began to beat him into the ground with rapid punches, kicks and palm strikes. Still Naruto didn't make a single sound. Behind them Orochimaru smiled.

"You sure this is okay?" His apprentice Anko asked nervously, "What if the experiment doesn't work?"

"It worked with his arm did it not." Orochimaru smirked pointing out Naruto's right arm now perfectly healthy and attached to his body.

"Yeah, yeah I guess you're right." Anko sighed, "Of course I am." Orochimaru replied.

"Alright enough warm up, begin using lethal force." Orochimaru said signaling to the shinobi.

"Finally we get to kill the damn Kyuubi brat!" One said excitedly, the blood lust clear in his voice. The nameless shinobi drew his ninjato from its sheath and took a swing at Naruto. The blade carved into Naruto's chest and he let out a small grunt of pain, but the wound quickly healed like it wasn't even there. Noticing this the shinobi continued slashing franticly. Finally after seeing Naruto was no closer to dyeing and was not giving the shinobi the satisfaction of screaming out in pain the shinobi got pissed. With an angry roar he slashed his blade clear through Naruto's neck and sent his head flying into the corner of the room.

The shinobi turned back to his comrades a large smile on his face. With a little mock bow he announced, "The Kyuubi is dead, by my hands." And now Orochimaru was going to pay him! He walked up to his fellow nins and received a few handshakes and even a hug he was on top of the world. Then he froze in pain and his world came crumbling down.

"Bitch please. You think THAT killed me?" The shinobi looked down in shock to see the black blade of a katana protruding from his stomach.

"I mean do you guys die when someone cuts your head off? Ooh, ooh, I know! **Let's find out!" ** The others watched in terror as the beheaded body of Naruto pulled his blade straight up from their friend's stomach until it tore through the top of their comrades head. Blood sprayed everywhere and the shinobi still among the living began screaming.

"Let's get em!" Naruto's head shouted from the place where it landed as Naruto's headless body began to tear into the shinobi sword first, happily cutting their limbs of one by one like he was cutting through blades of grass. Only one of them was lucky enough to die quickly by Naruto's sword with a thrust through the eye. The rest remained among the living until they finished slowly and painfully bleeding out on the floor. Once Naruto was satisfied with his work he turned his mind to more important matters. "Now Orochimaru sensei, you said you'd give me a Popsicle once all these shits where dead. And I don't see no goddamn Popsicle."

"Priority's Naruto, Priority's." Orochimaru said while resisting the urge to face palm.

"Oh yeah! Where the hell is my head!? Wait I am my head. Where the hell is my body!?" Naruto's decapitated head's eyes scanned the room until he saw his body which was blindly fumbling around in the opposite side of it. "YO DIPSHIT, OVER HERE!" Naruto yelled, his body quickly rushing over and putting his head back on.

"So how'd I do Orochimaru sensei?" Naruto asked once he had gotten his head on straight. "Excellent Weapon X, excellent." Orochimaru responded calmly. "Hells yeah!" Naruto cried triumphantly.

"Which is why I believe it is time."

"Oh shit! Do I haaavvveee too?"

"Yes."

"But that's like torture!"

"Probably."

"Why do I have to _that_?" "Because I need a sleeper agent and that is the perfect place to go. Hokage-'sama' is catching on. I won't be in Konoha much longer."

"But, the academy those dipshits are like...kids...eeeeeewwww."

"Need I remind you that you are also a kid?" Orochimaru sighed.

"But I don't wanna." Naruto said stubbornly.

"You start tomorrow."

"DAMN IT!"

Orochimaru turned to Anko, "Get packed tomarrow is also the day we leave."

"Hai sensei."

Orochimaru turned back to Naruto. "Remember Weapon X, the snake strikes when you least expect it." Orochimaru said cryptically "DAH FU- he began but Orochimaru jabbed his chakra enhanced fist into Naruto's stomach before he could finish. As Naruto sank to the ground Orochimaru drew a quick seal on Naruto's forehead.

"What was that?" Anko asked cautiously.

"A memory suppression seal coded to his DNA. Even his healing factor won't fix this."

"Damn. That is some shit" Anko remarked through a whistle.

The second the whistle left her lips the wall of the lab exploded. As the smoke cleared the Hokage and his squad of Anbu where become visible in the hole the blast created. "Orochimaru, you son of a bitch!" Sarutobi roared angrily, noticing Naruto on the floor. "What did you do to him?"

"Oh you know, fed him, cared for him, experimented on the Kyuubi and gave him a insane healing factor. Small stuff like that."

"Dog, I want you to take Naruto back to his old apartment. Get a Yamanaka to check his memories while you're at it."

Orochimaru began to chuckle. "That won't work Hokage-'sama'. I left him a little gift to block his memories of me. Consider it a blessing and a curse." With that he dropped a few smoke pellets , and he and Anko disappeared.

"KILL HIM; HE IS NOW FOR THE DEMON AND THE SNAKE!" The council was in an uproar. Not only did the Hokage reveal that their most hated citizen was still alive, but that he had also been with their newest traitor in his absence.

"We will not be killing anybody!" Sarutobi shouted angrily.

"And pray tell why not!" one of the random civilian council members replied. "He works for Orochimaru! He is most likely a spy." This received many murmurs of agreement amongst the council members."

"He is no spy! His memories where sealed by Orochimaru before he went rogue!"

"SEE! SEE! That's even worse he could be a living bomb or something! We must kill him!"

"NO! We cannot kill him. If he ever regained his memories he could be a huge asset to Konoha." This surprisingly came from the old war hawk Danzo. It also received verbal support.

"All who vote on killing the demon." Many hands rose.

"All who vote on leaving Naruto alive for the knowledge we may eventually gain on Orochimaru." All most every shinobi council member in the room raised their hand.

"Then it is settled. Naruto will continue to be among the living. Meeting abjured!" The Hokage announced. 'Now what to do with you Naruto.'

When Naruto awoke he knew he was going to have a major headache. He was lying on a couch in an orange hoody and in blue shorts. Orange hoody and blue shorts he knew he didn't own. "Dah hells going on here?!" He called out irritably. When no answer came he stood up. As he did something caught his eye. A white envelope sat on the small rickety coffee table next to the couch.

"_Ooh I've been accepted into Hogwarts_! Or maybe... **It's an explosive letter from ninja assassins plotting my death. ** Meh." He tore open the letter and fond this note.

_Dear Uzumaki Naruto,_

_You have been accepted into the ninja academy, please appear at 7:30am on September 5__th__ all ninja equipment will be provided. –Iruka_

"For some reason I really don't want to do this, but eff it. What day is it?" Naruto took a peek at his newly acquainted alarm clock that also sat on the coffee table. "September 5th, 8:45am...OH SHIT!"

**AN: And thats chapter one. Thank you to BoBo and NandoXFiles for reviewing the prologue and to everyone who favourited and is following this story. I will try to get chapters out as soon as I can but it's probably going to be pretty sporadic. Reviews are very much appreciated. timeirl out.**


	3. The Deadpool Complex: Chapter Two

**Disclaimer: I was a baby when Naruto was created, how was I supposed to have created it. **

Iruka thought he had the most promising class he had ever taught. He was teaching nearly all of the clan heads and all of his students where fairly well behaved and intelligent. To top things off he was going to be teaching this same class for the next six years, things where perfect. Until he 'walked' in. By walked I mean that he blew the doors off their hinges and jumped in. Iruka was flabbergasted. The kid wore a skin tight red suit with black shoulder pads and a large tactical belt, two katanas strapped to his back."Who are you?" Iruka asked trying to control in his anger.

"Names Uzumaki. Naruto Uzumaki." Naruto responded in a mock British accent. He then noticed that the rest of the class were staring at him like he had three heads. "What? You little bitches never seen a badass before." Then Naruto started to feel something. A small amount of killing intent coming from a small pink haired student. '_Please don't be a Sakura bashing story, please don't be a Sakura bashing story!' _He thought frantically.

"HOW DARE YOU TRY TO LOOK COOLER THAN SASUKE-KUN!" The pink haired banshee screamed.

"AAAAAANNNNNNDDDD SHIIIIIIIIIIT! WHY DO YOU HATE ME AUTHOR DUDE!"

At this point the students began to (correctly) believe that this 'Naruto Uzumaki' was bat shit insane. "What don't you guys know this is a fanfic?" The class remained silent. "You know what just forget it."

Iruka finding his speech had returned back to his mouth, tried to push aside this freak.

"All though the class probably would love to listen to your insane babbling I would prefer it if you would leave my class room." Iruka said coolly, keeping his composure proud that he hadn't even swore at the dobe.

"**Au contrair**,_ I gots an invitation to do the learning." _Naruto said happily holding out his acceptance letter.

"Wait your _the_ Uzumaki Naruto?"

"The one and only, **bottom booting, **_ASS KICKING,_** Scrotum crushing, **_BALL SMASHIN,_**Female seeking, **_Chick gettin, _Naruto Uzumaki, cue explosion!" A small explosion went off behind behind him.

"Uh yeah... your desk is over there." Iruka said waving to a random desk in the corner. "Please be seated."

"Deal!" Naruto said leaping into his desk.

Iruka sighed. "Now class please turn to page 11 of Shuriken throwing theory." And just like that Naruto fell into a comatose like sleep.

"Naruto, Naruto, NARUTO!" Iruka roared.

Naruto screamed waking up quickly. "Whereisthefirealiensfrommarsthathatemeandwanttoki llmetillimdead?!"

"What?"

"HUH?"

"Naruto we are heading out for Taijutsu sparing, will you be kind enough to grace us with your presence?" A irritated Iruka asked sarcastically.

"Sure thing Iruka-sensei sir!" Naruto said with a mock salute.

Iruka sighed for the umpteenth time that day and they walked out onto the training field where the rest of the class was waiting for them.

"Now," Iruka began "You will begin by sparring with Mizuki so that I may determine your skill level. Based off those results we will choose sparring partners in your level and begin practicing some point fighting."

Iruka then began calling out names in alphabetical order. The spars where usually long and boring. Mizuki simply dodging the students attack so Iruka could observe their technique.

Naruto was bored out of his mind. "Sleepy time coming, can't resist, so boring,arrgghhh, chapter. needs. more. action." As Naruto was just about to fall asleep again he heard Iruka call out one, Uchiha Sasuke's name. "So this is the guy the harpy was bitchin over. **We should observe his technique to see if he is a potential threat. **_Yeah then we can kick his ass!_"

Sasuke smirk smugly as he walked up to Mizuki bowing respectably to his Sensei before they fell into Taijutsu stances.

Sasuke immediately charged Mizuki attempting to kick him in the chest, but Mizuki simply caught his foot throwing him down. Before Sasuke could crash into the ground however, he extended his arms and caught himself in a hand stand then proceeding to launch off his arms and actually graze Mizuki's chin with his foot. Sasuke flipped around in the air and came down feet first into Mizuki's chest winding him, then proceeded with a devastating uppercut that cracked Mizuki's jaw. Finally he swept kicked Mizuki off his feet Mizuki falling onto his back. Sasuke putting his foot onto Mizuki's chest. The class cheered. Iruka sighed. Again. The Uchiha was sure to be top of his class.

Iruka cringed as he saw the next name on the sheet. "Uzumaki Naruto." he called, nervous at what the kid could possibly do with those swords . He looked over and saw Naruto was asleep again. "UZUMAKI NARUTO!"

"YESCABLESIRFROMXMENPOINTLESSREFRENCEBECAUSEIMSUPP OSEDTOBELIKEDEADPOOLSAYSWHAT!"

"What?" Iruka asked confused, "It's your turn."

"Yay!" Naruto proclaimed happily.

Mizuki stood back up nursing his jaw.

"Owww," Naruto teased, "you know you should really put ice on that, you know before I cut it off and all."

"Just shut up and get ready to spar you little shit!" Mizuki growled.

"Seriously though you really should get that checked out, the kid coulda broke it or something."

"Just get ready-"

"I mean your jaws turning purple and the puss, eeeeewwwww, it's just gross. Your blonde Goldilocks hair doesn't really fit with it."

"That's it, your going down!" Mizuki yelled angrily as he charged Naruto with a violent roundhouse kick. Naruto simply ducked under it and brought his knee into Mizuki's crouch. Bringing him down with one embarrassing and extremely painful blow.

"Tisk, tisk, tisk," Naruto scolded, "**As a instructor you are not supposed to lose your cool**. _Yeah you SUCK!" _

Iruka held the bridge of his nose. Naruto had used such a underhanded tactic to take down Mizuki. Sadly seeing as he _did _technically take Mizuki down and on top of that he took him down faster than the Uchiha, he was technically the most advanced student in the academy at Taijutsu. He was definitely going to be pared with the Uchiha in this class.

After partners where announced Sasuke found his way over to Naruto. He was not happy, not that he ever really was anyway. He was an Elite Uchiha and he was being put in the same sparring group as the dobe. Albeit a strong dobe. Naruto's power didn't cross his mind however as he walked up to him a large scowl on his face. "So dobe, your supposed to be my sparring partner." He said addressing Naruto.

"Yup!" Naruto replied in his happy/creepy as hell voice.

"You should be proud, you get to be sparring partners with a almighty Uchiha." Sasuke sneered, Naruto paling visibly.

"What's wrong dobe? Scared?" Sasuke teased.

"KAKASHI BETTER BE ONE HELLUVA KICKASS SENSEI! I DON'T THINK I COULD LIVE WITH A TEAM 7 WORSE THAN CANON!"

"Tchh, dobe." Grunted Sasuke .

'_This is going to be a looooooooooooonnnnnnnnnngggggg year!'_Naruto thought. **'****It's a good thing we have time skips.'**

"Let's spar dobe."

**'A very good thing.'**

******AN: And that's chapter one. Thank you to BoBo, NandoXFiles, Sir MIDNIGHT The Fallen One, and Gir240 for reviewing the story so far. I'm going on holiday's for a few weeks so the next chapter won't be out till mid August. Reviews aren't appreciated. THEIR LOVED! timeirl out.**


	4. The Deadpool Complex: Chapter Three

**Disclaimer: If I owned Naruto, I would be stinking rich. I am not stinking rich. Thus I don't own Naruto. **

The Hokage sighed at his spot behind his desk. Opposite to him sat a now 13 year old Naruto. Naruto had changed little as he grew up, he still wore the same red costume with the same twin swords, and the same combat boots. Some changes had occurred however. His regular diet of taco's and ramen left him...well, slightly, extremely, absolutely fine. The taco's balanced the ramen's growth stopping qualities. He was fairly tall for his age and didn't have an once of fat due to his healing factor.

"Naruto, Naruto, Naruto. What am I going to do with you. Your not supposed to take missions before you hit genin. Your taking jounin level assassination missions!" The Hokage said exasperatedly.

"There obviously not jounin level if I'm taking em!" Naruto responded nonchalantly.

"And that's not all, if my sources are correct you've spent more time in various bars across Konoha then in your own apartment."

"What can I say, I can't get drunk."

"You've been skipping the academy for the past week! And right before your genin exams!"

"Hay I didn't skip at all before then! And I needed the extra mission to buy beer!"

"How much time where you actually awake in class in the past three years."

"...Ummmmm...3 hours?"

The Hokage sighed again,it seemed to be a trend around Naruto these days.

"You beat Sasuke Uchiha to near death last week." He sighed in a tired voice. The council had been riding him about this since it happened and the Uchiha fans in the council (The majority of them) had been sending him execution petitions everyday.

"Whoa, whoa,_ I unlocked the dudes freaking scary ass eye thing_!"

"The Sharingan?"

"**Yes that's the one. We gave the emo bohemian,**_TOTAL DOUCHE! _More freaking power!" Naruto exclaimed.

"Was this your intention?" The Hokage asked starting to be interested by the turn of events.

"Sorta."

"Sorta?"

"_The author needed the damn things awakened for a plot point later!" _Naruto exclaimed growing tired of the questioning.

The Hokage looked severely confused. He had already decided that Naruto was quit mentally unstable, with multiple personality's and the like, but his constant mentioning of them being in some sort of story constantly disturbed him. Mostly because sometimes he thought Naruto was right. Fate was a strange thing.

The Hokage finally had heard enough. "Just go Naruto. You're genin exams are starting in a hour, just...don't be late."

Naruto beamed "Sure thing Hokage-jiji!" with that he left the office, the Hokage, and the Hokage's blasted to hell paperwork.

Iruka had once thought he would get used to Naruto's unique way of entering the classroom. He had given up on that dream long ago however, around the same time the academies board decided to start charging him out of his own pocket for the doors that where constantly being blown up.

"Naruto your just in time for your turn." Iruka said in monotone. "Please step into the back room."

Naruto was exited. "So what's the test? **Kill enemy nin**? _Extract info and torture poor orphan children from cloud? _Murder Kittens?"

Iruka and Mizuki where slightly horrified,who kills kittens? "Umm no, just create three bunshin."

"WHAT! WHAT!WHAT! WHAT!WHAT! WHAT!WHAT! WHAT!WHAT! WHAT!WHAT! WHAT!WHAT! WHAT!WHAT! WHAT!WHAT! WHAT!WHAT! WHAT! _gotta love copy n paste._ That's it?" Naruto felt slightly ripped off.

"Err yes." Mizuki responded.

"So I've been doing all those S rank assassination missions for prep and you're telling me I just have to make two Bunshin!"

Iruka looked stunned, Mizuki however looked strangely happy.

Now Naruto was in a tricky position. You see he had never actually paid attention in class usaully choosing to sleep through it. Thus he barely knew what a bunshin was, let alone how to perform it.

"I fail." He sighed. Actually disappointed. And slightly serious.

"Why?" Iruka asked, "Just perform a bunshin."

"I don't know how sensei." With that he walked out the door.

When Naruto walked out with a Hitai-ate his classmates where confused. It was well known that he was the most powerful Genin in Kohona in combat even if his book smarts where near to non existent. For someone like him to fail... It wasn't right. As they whispered amongest themselves Sasuke stepped up.

"You didn't make genin?" He asked confused. He knew how strong Naruto was first hand. He secretly respected him as a formidable rival thanks to Naruto awaking his sharingan. "Dobe! Now I'll be stuck with some weakling on my team!"

Naruto was not in the mood for banter. "F #% off Uchiha. I'm going home to eat till I'm tired and sleep till I'm hungry. I'm not happy and I think I'm gonna kill something so just F #% off."

As Naruto sat on the roof of his apartment he was surprised when Mizuki appeared next to him in a shunshin. "The hell do you want?"

"Nothing much." Mizuki responded cheerfully. "Just here to inform you there is a secret test you could take, if your up to it."

"What is it."

"All you need to do is get a scroll form the Hokage without being detected and the rank is yours."

"Sure, I'll do it."

Naruto was disgusted for two reasons. Reason one was that Mizuki thought he was stupid enough to actually go through with stealing the scroll and two because he did it anyway. He was currently leaping from tree to tree towards where Mizuki told him to go, reading the scroll as he went. He found quite a few justu interesting. One of them, called the Kage Bunshin, was pathetically simple recuiring a simple ram seal and immeasurable amounts of chakra. The next justu was far more complex. It was called Hanmāsupēsu or Hammer Space. It required one to be completely uninterested in the rules of reality. By pushing chakra into ones hands they would be able to reach into an invisible void and pull out weapons from the past or even the future. Raijin no Ken Tobirama's legendary sword originally named Vito, was apparently pulled from this jutsu. Naruto's multiple personality's where actually very helpful when it came to learning things. Like three minds sucking information at once. By the time he reached the point where Mizuki should have been he already had learned kage bunshin and the Hanmāsupēsu.

It had been nearly an hour since Naruto reached the clearing and he was bored. So bored that it got to the point where he was arranging pictures with his insides for entertainment. He didn't want to go back to reading the scroll because as much as he didn't want to admit it, he wasn't to great with justu's in general. He was more of a 'I run in and cut up your ass with my swords.' So when Iruka found him playing with his guts on the forest floor he was terrified.

"DEMON!" Iruka shouted.

"Say what now?" Naruto responded.

Iruka was stuttering in fear "They w-where r-right you are the Kyuubi."

"I'm the Kyuubi..."

"YES YOU MONSTER! THE FOURTH COULDN'T KILL THE KYUUBI SO HE SEALED HIM IN YOU!"

It all clicked for Naruto. His healing, his insanity, the hateful glares. He was done laughing he was PISSED. _"YOU SON OF A BITCH!" _Naruto roared drawing his katana. **"YOU WHERE MY TEACHER FOR THREE F #%ING YEARS AND YOU NEVER TOLD ME! **I am going to kill you Iruka-sensei." He charged Iruka with a swing towards his legs. Iruka jumped over it easily drawing a kunai and stabbing it down into Naruto's face.

"Psshhh a clean kill." Iruka said happily wiping off his kunai.

"Dude, you can't kill me cause I'M A MOTHERF#%ING T-REX!" Naruto roared stabbing up into Iruka's stomach. Iruka Began to bleed all over the ground.

"Heh," Iruka coughed bloodily "Kai!"

Naruto was once again sitting on the forest floor playing with his guts. "Huh, Wierd dreams."

"Foll boy that was no dream."

Naruto looked up to see Mizuki standing on a large tree branch above him.  
"That was Genjutsu, I simply showed you the truth."

"So I am the Kyuubi?"

"One in the same."

Naruto went rigid before he began to laugh. "That is so F #%ING awesome! I'm a giant demon fox!"

Right as he was saying this the real Iruka landed into the clearing. "MIZUKI WHAT DID YOU TELL HIM!"

"Only the truth. How you and everyone else in the village feels about this demon brat!"

Naruto finished shoving his guts back into his stomach and stood up drawing his Katana's.

"This shit eater 'tricked' me into stealing the scroll. Can I kill him now." Naruto asked Iruka calmly. Mizuki only laughed.

"Brat you can't beat me! Even if there where a thousand of you you wouldn't be able to!"

"Normally I'd shove your words up your ass with my Kage Bunshin **but that feels too canon. **_Sooooo," _Naruto pulled two square like metal rods out from the Hanmāsupēsu. Labeled on the sides was the word UZI. "Let's see how you feel about this!" He pulled the two triggers simultaneously and a stream of bullets pounded into Mizuki. At a mere four feet away from them the bullets literary tore his body to pieces until their was nothing left but a bloody heap. Iruka just stood there gawking in disbelief. Without even closing his mouth he took off his headband and handed it to Naruto. Naruto simply smiled cheerfully and went on his way.

**AN: AND CUT! Sorry for the delay I was on holidays. I managed to pick up a Deadpool graphic novel though. Get a lot of new ideas!** **Anyway ********Thank you to BoBo, NandoXFiles, Sir MIDNIGHT The Fallen One, Gir240, Itachi mr yolk, chuck2012, jh831, and LXS. REVIEWS KICK ASS. timeirl out.**


	5. The Deadpool Complex: Chapter Four

**Disclaimer: I DON'T OWN NARUTO! Jeez, legal people do you have to be informed of this every chapter.**

**PS: Sorry for the late upload, I finally bought the Deadpool videogame and have been playing it like crazy.**

The day after Naruto got his Hitai-ate he went to get his Ninja registration. The registration displayed things such as your rank, class, and the rest of the important ninja info. Naruto had filled out the papers and now just had to get a picture taken. The registration picture was meant to be intimidating so Naruto did his best to look scary. Yup nothing strikes fear into the hearts an enemy shinobi like a blond haired, blue eyed kid eating a taco with his large intestine wrapped around his neck. After he reassured the camera man he was fine, provided a bucket for him to puke in, and gotten his picture taken, he was ready to leave. But just as he was leaving the Hokage's office something burst into the room. From Naruto's point of view it looked like a blur of a midget monkey wearing a scarf with long spiky brown hair. As it ran past Naruto it slipped and fell over his own scarf. Once sprawled out on the floor Naruto noticed that 'it' was actually a small boy.

"Why'd you trip me!" The little prick in front of him yelled.

" I didn't you tripped yourself."

"YOU TOTALLY TRIPPED ME!"

"DID NOT!"

"DID TO!"

"DID NOT!"

"DID TO!"

"READ THE LAST PARAGRAPH I DIDN'T TRIP YOU!"

"What?"

"For the last goddamn time! YOU. TRIPPED. YOURSELF." Naruto seethed.

"Yeah right! You're just saying that because you're too big of a chicken to threaten me." The kid said his nose in the air. Naruto's left eye twitched mercilessly.

"You want me to threaten you, _I'll threaten you!"_ Naruto smiled sweetly and creeply as he pulled out one of his katana's. Naruto raised his Katana, "You stand nice and still now!" Sadly Just as he was about to bring down, another ninja burst into the room. When he saw Naruto about to cut into the kid he screamed, grabbed the kid, and shunshined away.

"Why do I have the weirdest feeling that I just averted about three hours of time wasting and character development. **Probably something canon.** Yeah that would explain it!"

Every genin in Iruka's class was exited. They would finally getting their Jounin sensei's. Naruto was no exception. 'I'll finally be able to go on missions **that have me slaughtering innocent people and animals for the rich bastard of a client, **_legally!' _ He thought as he found a place to sit, coincidentally near Sasuke.

"Dobe," Sasuke said acknowledging his presence,

"Motherf #%er." Naruto replied opting out of his canon 'teme' remark. Something that he was doing more often now a days.

He was only sitting there for a few moments when the twin banshees entered the room.

"I'm sitting by Sasuke!" Sakura the pink haired bitch cried out.

"No I am!" Ino the equally bitchy blond replied.

Naruto paled. From the few moments he spent actually reading the canon which consisted of just looking at the pictures he remembered one scene very clearly.

After about a five minute bitchfest from Sakura and ino they paused and noticed Naruto was sitting in 'their spot.' When Ino noticed this she backed off. As blind as her devotion was to 'her' Sasuke she wasn't stupid. Sakura However...

"GET THE HELL OUT OF MY SPOT!" She screeched with the voice of a thousand nails on chalkboards.

"Promise me that if I do you will get your voice box removed."

"F #$ YOU!"

"No thanks."

Sakura drew back her fist to hit him but at the next moment she found a katana at her throat.

"_No,no,no Sakura hitting is baaaaad."_ Naruto smirked. 'Disaster averted.'

After that point a very pissed Sakura just went and quietly fumed in a corner till teams where announced. Sobbing and whooping with joy respectively as Naruto and Sasuke were announced to be on team 7 with her.

Team 7 had waited for hours when finally Naruto got fed up and left. Within Seconds of his leaving however their white haired jonin sensei poked his head in the door. "Where's our fourth member?" He asked genuinely confused. Sasuke merely grunted pointing to the door. This simple movement causing Sakura to squeal with delight and nearly pass out from sasuke being so 'cool'. Kakashi nodded shunshining away only to reappear moments later naruto in tow.

"My first impression of you three...while this one," He said gesturing to Naruto, "Is a badass. the rest of you are...extremely boring. Meet me on the roof." Naruto team stared at him for a few minutes in clear shock.

"How did you do that?" Sasuke asked somewhat amazed.

"_we showed him gameplay from our game!"_ Naruto said happily. The others just stared at him confused. "While better get to the roof so we can hurry up to get more missions to kill stuff. _TRANSITION!"_

"So," Kakashi began if we are going to work as a team you might as well introduce yourselves."

Sakura spoke up, "I don't understand, could you give us a demonstration."

Kakashi paused wondering what sort of an idiot didn't know how to introduce them selves. "Suit yourself pinky. My name is kakashi Hatake. I like some things and dislike other thing I have many hobbies and my dreams are none of your concern." Sakura and Sasuke looked pissed off.

"all we learned about him was his name!" Sakura hissed.

**" Kakashi Hatake Likes porn and being late , dislikes his teammates dyeing and taking on genin squads.**_ His hobbies are reading and watching porn, visiting the memorial stone and also porn! _And his dreams in the current canon are to see Naruto become hokage, but his sleepy dreamies right now are unknown." Naruto said in one breath.

Kakashi stared at him then nervously eye smiled. "Naruto?" He asked "How do you know those things?"

Naruto just yawned "Narutopedia."

"Naru-what?"

"Nevermind."

"Fine your turn." Kakashi said exasperatedly.

Naruto smiled. "My names Naruto. _I like Taco's, ramen, and things that go BOOM!_ **I dislike ranks in ninja villages and the eternal tragedy that was sealed into my poor young defenseless body when I was born forcing me to-** MY DREAM," Naruto paused he had never really thought about a dream before. Than he sported a wicked grin, "Is to twist this world as far from canon as it can go!"

**AN:Sorry for the short chapter IT IS a setup chapter for the next one that Will feature EXPLOSIONS! As always thanks to ************BoBo, NandoXFiles, Sir MIDNIGHT The Fallen One, Gir240, Itachi mr yolk, chuck2012, jh831, LXS, Walkingstranger99, silvermane1, and queen serena chiba. REVIEWS ARE LIKE GETTING MONEY FROM GOD! timeirl out.**


	6. The Deadpool Complex: Chapter Five

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or Deadpool. Come to think of it I don't even want to own Deadpool, he'd probably kill me. **

_My dream is to twist this world as far from canon as it can go_

Naruto's teammates looked at him confused. What was 'Canon'? What did Naruto mean by saying that he would twist it. Kakashi sighed. "Thank you Naruto for that umm... very...informative introduction. Your turn pinky." The rest of their introductions were fairly boring. Sakura basically just fangirled Sasuke and Sasuke himself just went all emo about killing someone. Once the introductions were done Kakashi spoke up. "Tomorrow don't eat breakfast and meet me here at six o'clock. For your real genin test."

"Real genin test?" Sakura questioned, "But we already passed the genin test."

"You past the academies genin test not mine."

"I knew that damn test was too easy!" Naruto said. _"Sooooo do we get to kill stuff in this test._"

"No." Kakashi replied it's just a survival test.

"Survival how pathetic." Sasuke scoffed.

Naruto stuck his nose in the air. "I'm with the emo douche on this one, **Survival how pathetic."**

Kakashi eye smiled, "Oh, but you don't understand you'll be surviving against me."

This statement caused Sasuke and Sakura to go rigid. Naruto on the other hand, "Survivals kinda my thing, _so bring it on bitch!" _

Kakashi was confused. He had read Naruto's psyche profiles of course and was fully aware of his current students insanity. Sadly that didn't explain some things. Like how Naruto knew about Kakashi's profile. So he decided to tail the kid as he made his way to... the Uchiha complex.

As Naruto entered the Uchiha complex he was starting to think this Idea was getting worse and worse. He had already caused Sasuke to awaken his Sharingan and didn't want to give him even more power. However he knew that if he didn't do the authors bidding the author could just stop writing and he would be erased from existance.

As he was about to knock on the door to Sasukes house a kunai embedded itself into the wall beside his face.

"What do you want with the Uchiha heir, boy." The thrower of the kunai hissed venomously.

"I was going to give him a wittle pwesent." Naruto said calmly faking innocences.

"Bullshit." The speaker said angrily. "Now turn around slowly."

"Umm ..NO!" Naruto roared as he leapt into the air and formed the traditional ram seal and created ten kage bunshin. The speaker charged. Sticking forward with a poisoned kunai at what the speaker assumed was the original only to find that it was stabbing into a kage bunshin and causing smoke to flood the speakers senses. The opponent spun quickly and came face to face with another Naruto.

"So you're an ANBU?" Naruto questioned seeing the Nins ANBU stile spider mask. "The Hokage want me dead or something."

"The hokage," The ANBU spat, "I do not work for that senile old fool."

_"YIPPIE THAT MEANS WE WON'T GET IN TROUBLE WHEN,_**we mercilessly tear you to pieces "** Naruto yelled excitedly as he struck forward attempting to impale the ANBU. The ANBU was to fast for Naruto though and seemly vanished from view and applied a spin kick to the back of his head. However this Naruto also bust into smoke which was quickly cleared away when a purple beam of energy tore through it and into the ANBU's face cracking the ANBU's mask.

"Ah technology!" Naruto exclaimed as he held up a huge strange gun that was crackling with purple energy.

"The hell did you get that from?" The spider masked ANBU asked angry at being hit.

_"The same place we got this from!" _A voice from behind as the ANBU felt something tear into it's shoulder.

"Damnit kid, that F#$% hurt! Who are you!"

"Names Naruto Uzumaki_, the one and only._"

The fake ANBU went rigid before disappearing with a shunshin leaving behind a strange symbol. A song note carved into the ground.

"_Ooooh foreshadowing! _**Rather obvious foreshadowing at that. **I smell a snake, hmmm whatevs. **Your kidding right? **Hey they can't kill me off I'm the hero so who cares.** You're forgetting this a fanfiction. **Let's just get on with the plot!"

Naruto went up and knocked on the door. He waited for a second before making a strange face. 'I feel OC, since when do I wait!' he thought before kicking in the door. 'On another note since when do I think'.'

Naruto found Sasuke training in his backyard, sharingan blazing throwing kunai with perfect accuracy.

"Yo F #$tard catch!" Naruto called out scaring the shit out of Sasuke who didn't even know he was there. Sasuke grabbed the object Naruto tossed to him out of instinct. Only to discover he was holding a thick piece of purple metal.

"Gee thanks Dobe." He said not even knowing what the thing was.

"Flick your wrist." Naruto said happily.

Sasuke obliged and in the next moment he was holding an amazing purple bow.

"Here," Naruto reached into the Hanmāsupēsu and retrieved a quiver full of different types of arrows ranging from having explosive to flaming to freezing effects. "I figured that with your eye thingy you can see things in slow-mo right,_ so use that to shoot dickheads in the ass! _

Sasuke just looked stunned. "Ummm thanks?"

"No problem, **it was the authors idea.**"

With that Naruto started to walk away then he stopped. "This seems like an awfully good place to end a chapter, **the author says that our chapters are going to have to start getting longer,**_ does that mean? _**Yup. **_yay TIME SKIP"_

The next morning Naruto woke up happily. "Those timeskip thingies are really effective, _yeah we didn't even have to walk home!" _He walked around his apartment grabbing his ninja gear, eating a taco effectively ignoring Kakashi's warning, and grabbing a very peculiar clothing article he had made the night before. "**We actually made a piece of clothing,** holy shit didn't know we had it in us." After collecting all his stuff, Naruto jumped off to the training field where he was supposed to meet his team.

Sasuke was already their practicing with his bow always hitting the bullseye on his pinned up target. Sakura was beside him cheering him on every time he hit the target.

**"Aren't you a damn Hawkeye!" **Naruto piped jokenly.

"Naruto for once you had a good idea." Sasuke stated as he drew back another arrow and let it fly.

"Meh it was the authors idea. Something about plot devices."

"You are one strange child."

Around an hour later Kakashi arrived to find Sasuke shining his new bow, Sakura dozing off by a tree, and Naruto reading a very familiar orange book.

"Everybody group up!" Kakashi called out.

"YOU'RE LATE!" Sakura screeched causing everybodies earbuds withing a five mile radius to nearly explode. Kakashi merely eye smiled. Setting down a small alarm clock on the memorial near their training ground. Then he took out two bells and held them out in front of his team.

"You have all day to get a bell from me," He said calmly "You get one, you pass. You don't get one it's back to the academy for you."

Sakura was puzzled, "Why are there only two bells?"

"Because only two of us can pass." Naruto said cheerfully, "Better luck next year Sakura!"

Sakura gave him a death glare attempting to release a bit of killing intent. Naruto didn't even notice.

"Oh and one last thing," Kakashi continued. "You should come at me with the intent to kill or you'll never get a bell... BEGIN!"

with that Sasuke and Sakura took off into the trees. Naruto on the other hand merely stood there smirking.

"**F #$ing pussies**," He laughed harshly as he reached into Hanmāsupēsu pulling out a minigun. "_Eat this Biotch_!" He yelled cheerfully as he pulled the trigger sending a hundred rounds a second at Kakashi.

"What the F #$!" Kakashi screamed as at least ten bullets clipped him as he lept to the left as fast as his body would allow him. "The hell kind of Jutsu is that?!" He shouted somewhat terrified.

Naruto smiled menacingly, "The fun kind!" He then put the mini gun away and pulled out a few grenades. "Have some explosion thingys!" He laughed forming around twenty kage bunshins each with their own grenades. The clones suicide charged Kakashi pulling the pins on their grenades. Kakashi then sighed pulling up his Hitai-ate that was hiding a red sharingan eye.

"It sucks that a genin made me reveal this." He said to no one in particular jumped straight into the air barley avoiding the shrapnel from the combined explosions from the now expelled clones grenades. Falling into a roll as he hit the ground he stabbed into the nearest Naruto expecting him to explode into smoke. So it was to his great surprise when blood splattered his face. Kakashi nearly screamed seeing the body of Naruto with a huge gash in his stomach slowly bleeding out on the ground. 'Oh shit, shit, shit,shit, shit, SHIT!" Kakashi thought picking up Naruto getting ready to rush him to the e.r.

"You think I'd get hurt by that Kakashi-sensei, **Oh ye of little faith." **Kakashi looked down to see that the Naruto in his arms was no longer wounded the only sign that he even had been wounded at all was the dried blood on his costume. Then Kakashi also noticed that Naruto was holding a katana to Kakashi's throat with one hand a bell in the other.

"Your turn Sasuke!" Naruto yelled never moving the Katana from Kakashi's neck. Sasuke came out of a bush arrow drawn slowly approaching Kakashi. However just as Sasuke was going to grab a bell from Kakashi, kakashi began to laugh.

"You think I would be so weak?" Kakashi laughed cheerfully turning to mud. The bells in the two genins also turned to mud.

"Shit!" Sasuke yelled "It was a doton bunshin!"

Kakashi's laugh echoed all throughout the training ground. "Now the real challenge begins!"

Hands tore out of the ground attempting to grab the boys feet. Sasuke let an arrow fly into one of them which resulted in it also turning to mud."

Suddenly the scenery around Sasuke changed and he was standing in a small clearing close to the training ground standing face to face with kakashi. Sasuke drew back an arrow and sent it straight towards kakashi's face. Strangely Kakashi pulled a bow out from behind him and sent his arrow straight through sasukes arrow splitting it clean in half. The arrow continued towards Sasuke and into Sasuke's bow cutting the bow string.

"Where did you get that bow?" Sasuke asked angrily as he charged Kakashi relying on his taijutsu. Instead of dodging Kakashi simply pulled a silver skull mask from one of his pouches and placed it on his face.

"Let me tell you a story sasuke." Kakashi said calmly as he performed the exact same style of taijutsu, blocking sasuke's blow flawlessly with a mirror image of the blow.

"Once upon a time their was a stuck up Hatake named kakashi and a happy Uchiha named Obito. The Hatake thought he hated the Uchiha until one day the damn Uchiha went and died giving the Hatake his sharingan as a parting gift. The HAtake swore to put it to good use and under the moniker _Taskmaster_ went out and copied every jutsu he found so that he would never lose another precious person." Kakashi's story was distracting Sasuke, his defense breaking slightly allowing Kakashi to get in a kick to Sasuke's face. Kakashi followed up the kick with a uppercut sending the uchiha onto his ass. "I am Taskmaster and I learned the hard way that those who abandon their mission are trash, but those who abandon their friends are worse than trash." Sasuke paled. He and naruto had a plan. But they left Sakura in the forest to wander aimlessly.

Noticing the distress in Sasuke's eyes Kakashi smiled. "So do you understand the whole point behind the test finally?"

Sasuke just nodded.

"Good. It's time to see if your other teammates understand this." Kakashi said calmly, his mask made this simple statement almost frightening. Then he shunshined away to attempt to beat this moral into Naruto's head. The Scenery around sasuke changed again and he was standing back on the training grounds. He sighed in relief it was just genjutsu. He looked down to see his bow was still in perfect condition. Then he heard a huge explosion go off. Sasuke shivered. He never wanted to see Naruto go all out. Ever.

**AN: I can't believe how many reviews I've gotten so far! It's crazy! Anyway heres a early and longer chapter for you guys because I felt bad about leaving you guys hanging for so long last time. Anyways thanks to ****************BoBo, NandoXFiles, Sir MIDNIGHT The Fallen One, Gir240, Itachi mr yolk, chuck2012, jh831, LXS, Walkingstranger99, silvermane1, queen serena chiba, Legionary Prime, Realistico16, and God Of Cake! As always reviews are very, very, very, very, very, welcome. timeirl out.**


	7. The Deadpool Complex: Chapter Six

**I don't own Naruto or Deadpool and I... Deadpool what are you doing with that spork? Deadpool? Deadp-OH GOD!**

Naruto smirked when he saw Kakashi lock Sasuke in a genjutsu and used it as an opportunity to haul ass back into the treeline to prepare a 'surprise' for Kakashi.

Just as he was finishing this 'surprise' Kakashi appeared next to him.

"Come look at what I've been working on. **It's really a showstopper." **With that Naruto pulled out a huge red button from behind his back. He set it on the ground and began to lean on it. "You see Kakashi up till this point I've been listening to the author obediently. _AND IT'S BORING AS HELL!_" Naruto took something out of the many pouches that adorned his belt. **"So 'we' put it to a vote and we've decided that since this is our story, **we're going to play by our own rules." Naruto pulled the red mask he had taken out of his belt down over his head. It was a executioner's mask with two large black circles around the eyes, and three black lines where Naruto's whisker marks would be.

"It's about time," Naruto said pushing the large red button, "**THAT THIS WORLD GOT POOLED!"**

Somewhere above the stars in a castle made of gold with streets of rainbow,a god shivered.

"What is thy ailment Thor, son of Odin." One of his companions asked seeing the thunder god's shiver of fear.

"Tis nothing Balder I simply feel as though a being of great chaos has been revived to face midgard once again." Thor replied warily.

"You don't mean, It cannot be!"

"Verily, I believe, somehow, Wade Wilson has returned from the seventh layer of hell."

"Thor if thy theory wields truth then we must return to midgard at once and put this mortal back to death!" Balder shouted with worry and anger clear in his eyes.

"Nay brother, we shall first observe this situation to see if it may be deemed worthy of a quest to Midgard."

Balder frowned but nodded agreeing with Thor.

When the big red button was pushed something happened in Naruto's head. You see up till this point he had been slowly adapting the personality of the once infamous mercenary known as Deadpool, but the moment pressed the big red button all of his remaining Naruto-ism's and his very small remaining chunk of rationality disappeared. Leaving behind a lunatic.

"_I've never felt so alive!"_ Naruto shouted to the heavens as the big red button poofed out of existence. "I finally have free reign over my story!" Kakashi who was watching this was mildly creeped out. "Now, **time to deal with this clown." **Naruto said smugly, then he pointed to Kakashi's skull mask wide eyed. "...OMFG, dude you just haaaaavvvvvve to tell me where you got that mask! _IT'S __FABULOUS!_"

"Seeing this mask means I'm about to fight you seriously, be prepared." Kakashi said ominously.

"_Ooooh, ooh, _**Action sequence!**" Naruto said excitedly running forward with both Katana's drawn, intending to impale Kakashi with them. Kakashi simply side stepped and rammed a kunai into Naruto's jugular. This obvouisly was rather pointless.

"It seems you are skilled with the ancient art of stabby stab," Naruto said seriously in a ridiculous attempt at a japanese accent. "But you see I am also skilled in the way of the cut everything that moves until somethings dead technique. You do not stand a chance, **HADOUKEN!" **Naruto charged forward again Kunai still in his neck.

"Naruto it's no use," Kakashi drawled, "I can predict and copy your every move you can't- OOF!" While he had been talking Naruto took his chance to nail kakashi in the stomach.

"Oooooooh, did you predict that one asshole!" Naruto said happily before punching Kakashi in the stomach again. Kakashi jumped backwards out of Naruto's repetitive stomach bashing

"How did you-CRAP!" Kakashi yelled out barely dodging a stream of bullets. "I can't pinpoint your style! How are you doing this?"

Naruto smirked "It's easy Kakashi-teme. _I DON'T GOT NONE STYLE!" _Kakashi growled and charged kunai in hand, only to miss by a mile when Naruto dropped to his back and break danced his way out of range. "**Alls I gotta say is that this is rather boring**" Naruto teased as he adjusted the monocle that had somehow appeared on his face. "**I mean seriously here I am fighting the 'great' sharingan no kakashi, the white fangs legacy, the master of all Ninjutsu, the taskmaster. And he can't even hit me."**

Then something strange happened, err something stranger than usual. Kakashi began to chuckle. "You know," he began "I might not be hitting you yet, but you're not hitting me either. You're just dodging and weaving. Maybe I should just fail you right here. For being a pussy."

Naruto paused. "**Oh no he didn't! **_Somebody tell me he didn't!" _ He pulled out twin broadswords much larger and heavier than his Katanas. "DUAL WIELD ACTIVATE!" Naruto charged forward yet again, but this time it was more precise. Kakashi could almost make out a style hidden within Naruto attacks. Almost.

"SHIT!" Kakashi called out as the blunt end of one of the broadswords caught him in the back of the head sending him crashing into the ground. Only to be caught with a slice from the second blade, completely trashing his left arm. Panting he leapt back into a crouching stance only to find a second Naruto behind him.

"Sup, biatch?"

"OH SHIT!"

"Yup."

Naruto went in for the decapitation, and succeeded. Partially. For when he slashed through Kakashi's head kakashi burst into mud.

"Bravo Naruto. Bravo." Naruto turned to see Kakashi clapping slowly behind him. "But, I wouldn't be a Jounin if a genin like you could beat me. What was that style with the broadswords?"

"You forget Kakashi-baka, that this shit is my story." Kakashi spun to look behind himself and nearly shit himself at what he saw. "I run this fuckin story. **See no more language censoring**, _no more fuckin Naruto bashing_, and best of all? NO. MORE. FUCKIN. LIMITS." Naruto was riding on a fucking panzer. "I win fuckwad. _BOOM." _

When Kakashi awoke in the hospital he knew something was wrong. Hadn't he been just testing a genin team or something. He rose shakily and looked around the room with his blurry vision his eyes settling on something, a letter on the bedside table. He opened it hoping to find a clue to why he was here.

_Dear DIPSHIT, _

_if you are reading this then you're not dead. Or your fuckin ghost in which case FUCK OFF I DIDN'T KILL YOU. Sasuke did. Why? BECAUSE FUCK YOU, THATS WHY! Anyway I hope you enjoyed the timeskip. I didn't want to wait for you to recover cause I HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA ATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEEEEE filler scenes! We need to get this jumbled bitch of a plot rolling. I mean i'm writing this shit now. Meaning updates are coming slow! We need to get as much of this plot shit done in each chapter as possible! Anyway judging by the fact that as I'm writing this your bleeding all over the nice hospital floor we beat you. Congratulations! You got yourself one fucked up, ass backwards, batshit crazy bitch of a team. _

_HELL YEAH!_

_PS: I call that sword style the sword art. Cuz anime fucking rulez._

Kakashi gulped. He was so fucked.

**AN: Thats right Bitches, its me, fucking Naruto or Deadpool or whatever. I run this show now, so shits about to get craaaaaaaaaaaazy! By the way, 43 fucking reviews! That shits amazing! At least timeirl was good for something. So thanks to everyone who reviewed! Oh and you better review this chapter too. Wouldn't want me to go kyuubi on your ass, would you? **


	8. The Deadpool Complex: Chapter Seven

**SUP DEADPOOL HERE AND I GOTS A CHAPTER FOR YOU! **

_*Cough* You need t-to do t-the d-disclaimer._

**SHUT UP OLD AUTHOR DUDE I KNOW THAT I DON'T OWN ME DAMNIT! OR OTHER NARUTO VERSION OF ME,ME! OKAY! HERES YOUR CHAPTER!**

It had only been a month. One month and Naruto was ready to tear out his hair. And then kill everything. He absolutely hated his team.  
"Why couldn't I just go all AU and make an OC team? **Because the original author thought it would be funny to see how we interacted with team 7. **Didn't we kill that guy? **No we merely kicked him out of this story. **_Wait does that mean that the dipshit could get back in. _**In theory if we ever got damaged enough...yes we would lose our reality powers. **Well shit. _That better not fuckin happin then_. **Right." **

"NARUTO! GET YOUR ASS OVER HERE!"

'And theres the pinky bitch now.' "NO!"

Sasuke who was standing next to Sakura sighed, "Yo, asshead. Please. Please just do what she says my ears are bleeding." Sasuke learned long ago not to call Naruto dobe. Infact after he did the first time he found a dead kitten on his doorstep with the word DOBE carved into its head. Yeah, didn't call him dobe anymore.

"Fine faggot face!" Naruto teleported behind them. "But only because you asked sooooo nicely." Naruto slapped him on the back of the head. "So blossum shit. Dah fuck u want."

"I WANT A MISSION!" Sakura screamed.

Naruto winced. "Yowza. Bitch we're doing missions, D rank missions."

Sasuke rolled his eyes, "You'd think someone like you would love the chance to kill shit."

"Oh I would love to kill something right now! But the thing is D ranks pay well and I got kage bunshin, so bitches gots free cash."

Just then Kakashi decided to appear. "Naruto you've been using kage bunshin on our D ranks?"

"Hell yeah!"

"Banned."

"YE-wait what the fuck?"

Kakashi sighed. "It's illegal to use jutsu on D rank missions. As your sensei I can not allow you to continue to do this and hereby ban you from taking missions with team 7 for a month."

"WHAT!"

"Anyways we have taken enough D ranks for a C rank, so lets go pick one okay Sasuke, Sakura."

Naruto's eye twitched "YOU FUCKIN KIDDING ME!" He shouted. Team 7 ignored him. "FUUUUUUUUUCCKKKK!"

**ZEES IZ A LINE BREEK**

"So Kakashi you believe your team, minus Naruto is ready for a C rank mission." The Hokage asked as team 7 minus Naruto stood before him.

"HAI, SIR!" Kakashi responded.

"Okay Kakashi I'll agree to give you a mission on one condition."

"Yes, sir?"

"I want you to investigate a small village on the border of grass. They call it 'Otogakure' I have papers that should allow you in without a fuss. I don't want any problems between our villages. I just want to see how there doing and determine if we can make a trade agreement with them." The Hokage handed Kakashi the passport papers.

"Hai."

The Sandaime smiled. "Now for the mission detail. You are to escort a simple bridge builder to wave." He nodded to the secretary who let the bridgebuilder,Tazuna in.

"Who deh ffffaaaaak are dese looders. These peoples are nindas?"

Kakashi pinched the bridge of his nose. They just haaad to get the drunk.

After team 7 left the room, a figure sitting in the Hokage's window appeared. He was leaning against the window frame with one of his legs hanging out of the window. It just happened to be Naruto wearing his black and grey X-force Deadpool outfit. _"baaadaaaassssssss..." _ He whispered.  
The Hokage sighed. "No Naruto."

"YOU DIDN'T EVEN LISTEN TO WHAT I HAD TO SAY!"

"You're not going on this mission."

"DAMNIT!"

"Naruto their investigating Otogakure."

"Oh."

"Exactly."

"**So the snake bastard is still fucking with my life."**

"Yes. I suppose. But it's a good thing I told you before you left against your sensei's orders."

Naruto twitched, "Umm bout that."

Naruto burst into smoke.

The hokage glared, "Oh fuck all kinds of duck."

**FUCKIN LINE BREAK**

When Naruto caught up to his team he was shocked to find them already fighting two enemy ninja. Infact they were locked in combat with the demon brothers of the mist. Kakashi was nowhere to be seen.

"YEAH KILLING TIME!" Naruto shouted before jumping into the fray. He caught one of the brothers in the head with a round house kick, the kick knocked the brother to the ground and since there was a chain conecting the two brothers it dragged the other brother down with it. Then Naruto opened a can of murder on one of the brothers heads a la Uzi. "DIE BITCH DIE HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH AHHAHAHAHAHA!"

THe other brother looked on in fear until a sword ivicerated his left entestine. That is when kakashi decided to re appear a tick mark forming on his face.

"Naruto!"  
"Yeeeessss."  
"You were supposed to be banned from all missions, WHY THE HELL ARE YOU HERE!"  
Naruto sighed **"Because it's our story.**_Yeah we make the rules!" _

Meanwhile Tazuna was watching this ninja with fear. He hadn't believed the hokage when he said that Tazuna was given a powerhouse of a team. All though the emo was good with a bow, the pink one seemed to be made purely out of uslessness. This guy however... was down right terrifying. Tazuna gulped if they decided to go against him now. He would surley die.

"Hey you old shit!" Naruto called out addressing Tazuna, "Did you lie to my team bout the mission rank._ Because even though I love killing shit, these pansy can't die, i'd just be too hard to explain to the hokage. _**And oh god the paper work! **Yeah, they gotta live. So onward to the deadly mission!"

Tazuna sweat dropped. "You are a strange kid."

"HELLYEAH!"

..._**HOLY SHIT LINE BREAK**_...

The team traveled for about three hours before a random white rabbit jumped infront of the path causing Naruto who was already on verge of lunacy to freak out and RPG it's ass.

"I REALLY HOPE THAT PEETA ISN'T"T READING THIS!"

"Who's Peeta?"

"Fuck if I know."

Kakashi sighed. 'Wait a minute that was a white rabbit, the rabbits around wave change colors with the seasons so..."GET DOWN!" HE called out at the last second as a huge black broadsword flew towards the group.

"Wait wha-" Squelch! Naruto's head hit the ground much to the amusementt of the man who threw the sword.

"Oh that was just rich. how does it feel Kakashi, taskmaster of the leaf, to have one of your newly minted genins brains on foreign soil."

"Ah Zabuza Momochi, demon of the bloody mist, to what do we owe this... _honour_?

"Isn't it obvious I'm here to kill you all."

"Oh. Exhilarating." The second the words left Kakashi's lips the two rushed each other a amazing speed. A clang sounded as Kakashi and Zabuza met. Kunai clashing against sword. The sword held more weight however and sent Kakashi spiraling into the ground.

"C'mon Kakashi I want to see it, SHOW ME THE SHARINGAN!" Zabuza roared as he kicked his foot into Kakashi's ribs.

"You want to see a Sharingan," Kakashi croaked. Suddenly the image of Kakashi morphed into Sasuke, who happened to be aiming his bow directly at Zabuza's face. "I'll show you a Sharingan." He let the arrow fly... right into Zabuza's hand.

"Kid you'll have to do better than that if you're going to land a hit on me." Zabuza chuckled examining the arrow he caught, "I mean seriously, an arrow?" Then said arrow exploded.

"Now!" Sasuke shouted. A hand caught Zabuza's foot from underground immobilizing him.

"DANMIT!" Zabuza shouted as he tried to move out of the hands grasp. He lood up to see Sakura charging him with a kunai, the worst part was he couldn't do anything about it. The explosion had rendered his arms useless. Zabuza winced himself and winced as the kunai was jabbed into his stomach. Then. He laughed.

"Really? You expected this bitch to kill me with that pathetic stab, I've had bee stings worse than that!"

"No." A voice said from behind him. "That woulda be a my job."

Zabuza turned and was horrified to see Naruto putting his head, BACK ON!

"Now yall gonna die!" Naruto laughed as he aimed Zabuza down with his anti-tank rifle. "_SAY HELLO TO MY BOOMSTICK_!" Then the gun fired and Zabuza well, exploded into a bloody red rainstorm. All over Sakura, who passed out immediately.

"**Well that was anticlimactic." **Naruto stated. At that moment there was a flurry of movement in the trees and a boy wearing a hunter nin mask leapt down from the trees.

"Thank you," He began "Without you I Would never have-"

"HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM, to please the fans or not to please them." Naruto questioned aloud.

The hunter nin sweat dropped, "Errrr sir what are you-_**BANG**_

"_FUCK YOU HAKU FANS_!" Naruto yelled giving the sky the middle finger.

"Ummm...Naruto what was that?" Kakashi asked nervously.

"Nothun."

"Are you suuuuuurrrrrreeee?"

"Yup."

"Because it reeeeeaaaaaaaalllllllllllyyyyyy seemed like something."

"So?"

"I mean it really really-"

"Kakashi."

"Yaeh?"

"Panzers."

"DEAR KAMI WHY DO YOU HATE MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

"S'what I thought."

**I WROTE A CHAPTER FASTER THAN timeirl! SUCK IT! So yeah _pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaasssssssss sssseeeeeeeeeeeeeee review? _So I won't have to make you a sandwich. A KITTEN SANDWICH! And feed it to you...MWAQHAHAHAHAHAHAH their was a Q in that Mwahah 0.o Damn wizards._  
_**

_This is timeirl thanks for reviewing and OH SHIT! _**I FUCKIN HEARD YOU! **_Not the kitten sandwich! _**YESH! **_Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooo!_


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